literature

Snake Oil

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swansisters's avatar
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Literature Text

Snake Oil


Snake oil salesman, wagons gaudy with painted alligators and beaming women,
basking in health, cheeks red as the dying sun.
Their voices so sweet and slippery, heavy as honeysuckle
more potent than a preacher who could only promise you heaven.
The hushed crowds listen as pain is promised away,
just take this, take that and heave of living will melt like ice in your mouth.
Morphine, codeine and that old favorite alcohol.
Did the snake give Eve a grape instead of an apple.
But I would rather swallow their serenades of liquids so prettily packaged
then the hospital white sheets of pills, smaller then a rabbit’s eye.
If I must go down the rabbit’s hole, I want to be sung to.
I want taste, a burning throat
a chorus of men in dusty black suits with sun slitted eyes
telling me, “Take this my darling, you will live forever.”
Snake oil and heaven. Gave myself a challenge to write a poem in less then a hour every day this month since I missed April poetry month because I have been so sick for awhile.
© 2013 - 2024 swansisters
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somebodi-else's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Technique
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

I feel that this poem is in its heart, a kindred spirit to the telling of a deep dark secret. At the first few lines you speak of a man promising what 'we' only hope for, in a sense, perfection. Something too good to be true. then you go on to
Did the snake give Eve a grape instead of an apple?
And frankly i dont understand this line, I've read the bible story, and I've heard countless reinterpretations of it, but i dont understand, could you elaborate it to me?

But you go on with 'If I go down the rabbit's hole..' I get the feeling that you, the narrator, whomever, would rather be fed pipedream promises, lies, rather than painful truths. Like there is something that may or many not work, and you have the option of that, or the candied untruths.

I may be utterly wrong and I am biased because i think of salesmen as sleezy money grubbers feeding you lies for every dime.

On another note, I liked your formating, the rhythem was a little sketchy, but that was mainly due to my inability to know what the original rhythem is. i think your words could be a bit more powerful if you added a few seperations. Or at the very least, made it so that the line 'Did the snake...' stood out more in terms of appearance.
This was a lovely read, and i do hope you continue your 'hour' challenge.